Let’s not do this.

Writing for The American Spectator, Daniel J. Flynn has written what is quite possibly the dumbest column on American football that has ever been published anywhere the world over. 

Despite what Flynn writes, under no circumstances is football “good for you.” 

Sure, there are definite health benefits to “running, jumping, pushing, and pulling,” but running, jumping, pushing, and pulling an oversized man onto the ground and onto your body as you plant your legs firmly in synthetic, factory made turf that twists your knees into all kinds of strange positions that they were never meant to be in so that the large body that you’re pushing and pulling lands squarely on top of a good portion of your own, perhaps placing undue pressure on your delicate skeleton? 

Yeah, that shit is not healthy.

Now, football is entertaining, and it’s quite fun to play.  And sure, if you don’t tear your ACL or your MCL or your rotator cuff or your quadriceps while attempting to catch or throw the ball while dodging the oversized body that is careening toward you in an effort to slam you as hard as possible into the ground, you’ll quite likely get a ton of health benefits out of running a few yards before another large body gets in your way and grabs you by the shoulders so as to force you backward and off your feet and into the ground at which point you’ll likely slam your head into the aforementioned factory-made turf—or dirt, or grass, or concrete.

So, Mr. Flynn, I’m glad that you were, like, totally in shape when you were in high school.  In high school, I was an egghead.  I was also a cross country and track runner. 

Today, I’m still an egghead.  And I’m still a competitive long distance runner.  

I get injured just like every other athlete.  However, in my adult years, I have to say that I’ve come to see the sense in avoiding collisions with other people when I run. 

Moreover, I’ve grown beyond the point of seeing the world in terms high school’s awkward rhythm.  Know why? 

Well, there are several reasons, I suppose.  I’ll just give you one: when we were in high school, we lived with our parents. 

So I don’t care who you are, or what you did, or how many touchdowns you scored.  When you were in high school, you weren’t cool.  You lived a door or two down from your mom, or from your dad, or from your mom and your dad, or from some other caregiver(s) who would launder your underwear.

And you probably weren’t healthy, either.

Kobe, now that you have plenty of time on your hands, can you help me save fifteen percent or more on car insurance?

Sorry, Kobe, but I’ve got another one.  Did you, perchance, pick I’ll Have Another to win the Preakness?

Kobe, you didn’t really think that the Lakers would even the series against the Thunder, did you?

Kobe, do you think that you’ll ever be as legendary as Larry Bird ?

What we have here, folks, is the start of what should be a short-lived My Tumblr Can Be Your Life feature: “Kobe Q&A.”

On Monday, May 14, 2012, after the OKC Thunder beat the LA Lakers by a massive margin—29 points—Kobe Byrant was asked if the Lakers are capable of guarding the Thunder.  Click here to watch the quick Q&A.  It’s one for the ages.

So, today, May 17, 2012, after the OKC Thunder defeated the LA Lakers by 2 points, and in doing so have taken a 2-0 series lead, I feel it is necessary to ask Kobe whether or not the Lakers are capable of guarding the Thunder.  Well, Kobe, what say you?

I wonder if the following Tweet in response to this crackpot article will come back to haunt me:

@mcuban calls college professors old. I’m 34, an age between Jason Kidd and Dirk. So, I guess he’s right. I’m old. #seeyounextyear

— Joseph P. Fisher (@JosephPFisher1) May 16, 2012

Can’t say I’m worried if it does.  Go Celtics.  And go old college professors!  They tend to have the nastiest of low post games.

Ashgate has updated the webpage for The Politics of Post-9/11 Music: Sound, Trauma, and the Music Industry in the Time of Terror to include a whole bunch of helpful links.  For starters, Ashgate has generously linked to my PopMatters staff page.  Ashgate has also established a permanent link to this very Tumblr. account, as well as to the excellent online arts journal The Fiddleback, which is where my co-conspirator Brian Flota is making noise these days.

Finally, Ashgate has linked to the Twitter profile and Facebook page for The Politics of Post-9/11 Music.  Please, feel free to follow and befriend my humble edited collection.  It’s a kind enough book, I can assure you.